Community Corner

When Is It OK for Your Child to Be on Facebook?

Do you think kids under 13 should stay off Facebook? Do you know if your child is online?

Facebook has changed the way many of us communicate in the 21st century. Originally created for young adults in college, the social media powerhouse has become increasingly popular with people of all ages, including tweens and teenagers. But has this digital exposure put our kids at risk for online predators and other dangers?

According to Facebook’s policy, children under age 13 are not supposed to create profiles or post any information about themselves without their parent’s permission.  

So when is it OK for your kids to get on Facebook? And what have you done to teach them about online safety and the risks of social networking?

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Our Coronado Moms Council weighs in.

Tonia Accetta: If you are worried about social networking sites, then you are in good company. Like a great deal of parents, we are torn. Should my children be learning everything about the World Wide Web, learning how to use it to benefit them and their future, or will this new technology hurt them and destroy their future? 

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There may not be an appropriate age for the use of social websites, but I think that sixth grade seems to be the turning point where our kids start to build many new friends, and social networking becomes very popular.

Whatever age works for your family, these sites are here to stay. Sit down at dinner tonight and ask your kids what they think. Their point of view may surprise you.

Morgan Benzian: I think it seems appropriate to follow the Facebook guidelines and allow a 13-year-old to have a Facebook account. Rather than turn the issue of social media and the Internet into a debate, I think it's a wonderful opportunity to adopt an open-door policy and encourage communication. We should teach our children about how to use social media and the Internet effectively and with caution. Like it or not, using social media and the Internet is part of their lives. An Internet savvy teen will have an advantage in the future job market, as companies are just now beginning to harness the power of social media. It's a delicate balance, navigating the online world while maintaining privacy, and I would rather my child learn it from me than stumble down the path alone. 

Tam Dorow: I don't know if there is an appropriate age to be on Facebook. I know some 40-year-olds that should not be on Facebook. I hope that my children will have enough sense, wisdom and self-control to understand why they are on Facebook and be mindful of those reasons, when and if they become members of Facebook, and not over-expose themselves.

I don't understand the need to be on Facebook myself and consequently have abstained from joining. There are enough activities in my life. I don't need to add another. I love my laptop, iPhone and iPad way too much already. Ask my family. I'm so fond of my iPhone I named it! I don't need to spend anymore time online. It is past 1 a.m. and I'm still online writing this. Good night.

Suzette Valle: Let's face it. There's no turning back the technology clock. Facebook, Twitter and other major social networking sites are not going to go away anytime soon. The longer you wait to jump on this trend, the harder it will be to keep up with the rapid changes.

The legal age to open a Facebook account is 13, but it is well known that kids in middle school are “talking” on Facebook. Party invitations, after-school plans and many social activities are posted to Facebook, instead of texting, emailing or calling friends for get-togethers.

Facebook isn't just for keeping in touch with family and friends anymore. This networking tool has become popular due to the ease and speed of online communication; people who might not be available to "talk" in person, like teachers, business leaders and even our community leaders, are available on Facebook—our own is frequently on Facebook conversing with his friends and students!

But parents must ensure proper behavior from the outset if they allow their kids to use Facebook:

  • Become friends with your kids as soon as they open an account. Be proactive and involved. Don't let them tell you it's not OK for you to be their friend on FB—you're the boss of them whether they like it or not until they are adults.
  • Have dinnertime chats about their online exposure. Photos of themselves partying it up doing keg stands or scantily clad pictures are risky uploads. It's not uncommon for college admissions to look up their applicants on Facebook.
  • Facebook is equal to being there in person. Negative comments, gossip or bullying online are activities kids should never engage in.
  • Formspring is another social networking platform with a low privacy level. On this site, the account holder has anonymous questions asked under the prompt, "Ask me anything," and are leaving themselves open to comments like, "you're fat" or "you're a looser," since there's no way to know who the poster is.

The best thing parents can do in this hyper-plugged-in age of technology is to be, well, connected!

Meet our Moms:

Tonia Accetta is a British born, boarding-school educated, stay-at-home mom of a teenage boy and a preteen girl. She moved to Coronado in 2002 from Florida with her husband of 15 years looking for a better school system than Florida had to offer. Both children attend Coronado Unified Schools. She is currently on the Coronado Youth Softball board covering many positions (offers of help are always welcome!), and she is a co-leader and cookie mom for Girl Scout Troop 5039.

Morgan Benzian, a third-generation San Diegan, is a domestic goddess and stay-at-home mom to Emma and Annie. She first fell in love with Coronado Island in 1996, and then years later fell in love with a Coronado resident. Morgan, her husband, Whitney, and their two daughters enjoy looking at the aquarium inside Bay Books, lunching at the Yacht Club, picnics at Pomona Park, and bike rides around the island. She is a regular contributor for Coronado Patch. You can also read more of her work at thelittlehenhouse.com.

Tam Dorow emigrated from Vietnam to the U.S. when she was 10 years old, and grew up in Lansing, MI. She has a B.S. in Engineering from Michigan State University and an MBA from the University of Chicago. She worked at all Big 3 US car companies in Engineering and International Finance.  She was a management consultant and started a management consulting firm in Indiana. She's been a stay-at-home mom for the last 10 years. She's served on the board of directors for Village Elementary Parents And Teachers Together (PATT), is a past president of Coronado Youth Softball, and is a current member of the board of directors for Coronado Little League. She married her college sweetheart, two children, a dog, and a 21-year-old cat. 

Suzette Valle is a 20-year resident of Coronado. She graduated with a B.A. from the University of San Diego, and has an M.A. from Oxford University, England. After a career as an investment banker, she married and moved from high finance to high drama. She’s the mother of two teenagers, one at Purdue University, another at Coronado High School. She is bilingual and bicultural. She's held many volunteer positions among various Coronado community organizations: vice-president of Coronado Youth Softball 2007-2010, director for the Islander Sports Foundation 2008-2010, and served on both the PTO 2006 and PTA 2005. She was recognized by Time Warner Cable as one of San Diego's “50 Best Moms” in 2006, and has been part of the judging panel for the last four years. She blogs at MamarazziKnowsBest.com, and is a featured Hollyblogger at TheWrap.com, where she blogs about parenting in a celebrity-driven society. In 2010 she appeared on the Dr. Phil Show discussing Reality TV, and was a presenter at San Diego’s Head to Toe Women’s Expo speaking about Hollywood’s far-reaching influence on children's daily lives and family values.


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